Fighting Fair

I had an "arguement" this morning. He felt if I was attacking him and I felt as if he was "testing" me.

This is what I found:

Here are Dr. Phil's specific rules for fighting fair.

•Keep it relevant.
Don't bring up old grudges or sore points when they don't belong in a particular argument. Put boundaries around the subject matter so that a fight doesn't deteriorate into a free-for-all.


•Keep it real.
Deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. Get real about what is bothering you, or you will come away from the exchange even more frustrated.


•Avoid character assassination. Stay focused on the issue, rather than deteriorating to the point of attacking your partner personally. Don't let the fight degenerate into name-calling.


•Remain task-oriented.
Know what you want going into the disagreement. If you don't have a goal in mind, you won't know when you've achieved it.


•Allow for your partner to retreat with dignity.
How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when an olive branch is being extended to you — perhaps in the form of an apology or a joke — and give your partner a face-saving way out of the disagreement.


•Be proportional in your intensity.
Every single thing you disagree about is not an earth-shattering event or issue. You do not have to get mad every time you have a right to be.


•There's a time limit.
Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't allow the ugliness of an argument to stretch on indefinitely.


And since this is my blog I have to express my feelings about this. Fighting with someone who has a very strong opinion, who likes to debate, is very difficult for me. Im not a strong debator nor have I ever been. Sometimes I think that people take advantage of this. And I think alot of times that people get used to this.. Now Im not saying Im perfect by no means, in fact, im pretty far from it. But I can't rebuild something if everytime a fight happens the thing I am trying to rebuild gets thrown in my face. Saying I personally attacked you is just a simple way of saying that Im going to hurt your feelings by saying whatever I can think of to might hurt you. Do you remember that? It doesn't feel good to have something thrown in your face that you try so hard each and everyday to overcome and try to prove. But if that person still gives you really no idication that you have improved..what do you do? Do you just give up? Do you keep trying? And if you do keep trying, will it make a difference? Sometimes I think that you hold things over my head and sometimes I think that you dont really think you have any faults; which I know you dont entirely think that but whenever we argue, you always seem like you think your right and even if your wrong your going to try and prove your right so that you dont have to look like the bad guy and so that you dont have to say your sorry. I don't care if I do absolutely nothing wrong and it's all your fault, I still say Im sorry because I know your upset. Why can't you do the same for me? Why do you have to debate every little thing I say?