Fat Tuesday

Well I woke up in a good mood today, which is good because it's FAT Tuesday. I look forward to spending time with my friends and enjoying the crawfish broil without actually having to work it.

So I watched the Bachelor last night. So far realitysteve.com has been accurate. I didn't think he would choose Gia. She's really nice, but come on the other two told him they were in love with him. Even though I like the show, it's purely for entertainment value. That's why they have to keep Vienna around. I mean I don't get the whole concept of the show. I don't believe you can fall in love with someone in just 6 weeks. Isn't that how long it tapes for? Well somewhere around there. I just don't think a person has gotten to know the other person in that amount of time. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. I feel bad for Ali, because she was my favorite. Don't worry I would have chosen my career over a man any day. Men come and go, and the ones that stick around won't put you in that position anyway.

I just have to put this out there.. who's blog is this?..MINE. I will be blogging more frequently because I feel I have a lot to say and it's good at getting things off the mind. I have expressed this before but maybe I wasn't exactly clear with what I was saying.

MY BLOG IS MY BLOG. Whatever I may put on here is simply my thoughts and feelings. Whether they are right or wrong. If you don't like what your reading, simply click the "X" in the stop right hand corner.

Thanks everyone for your support that you gave me yesterday. I even had some random people text me to see how I was doing. It makes me feel good, and shows me that there's a bigger world out there with lots of opportunities. I'm getting ready to start fresh and move forward. I think I got knocked back a few steps because I was afraid of life's journeys and how I would conquer them. Now I realize that I have a great group of friends and a loving family. Someone told me your afraid because you don't want your friends and family to view you in a negative way.. Your right, I don't want that. My family for one is my backbone. My mom and my sister have always tried to be there when I crumpled. This time is no different. So yes, I want to show them that I can be a strong person and I can get on with my life, and that I can be a happy person. If that's a big problem, then oh well. I look at it this way, my family's opinion means so much because when that guy is gone, they are the one's that will be there for me. =)

all for now.

Peacock Bells

I really had to name this post that. I went to my cousins wedding on Saturday. Everything was done in peacock feathers. NO JOKE. The wedding was okay but it was horrible at the reception. There were hardly any young people. I didn't take anyone to the wedding, which I shoulda. Well the person I originally planned to take, couldn't make it anyway. It was just wrong some of the things that went on at that wedding. I wont go into detail about it but here is a photo of my aunt and my cousin (the one who got married).



Anyway, yesterday was Valentine's day. Major drag for all the single people out there. Especially after attending a wedding, then arguing with a certain someone. You know I really get annoyed with people who care about you only when it's convient for them, or if you dont respond to their text messages or phone calls. Im sure I have been guilty of the same thing a time or two, and maybe Im not the best at expressing my emotions but I try to let people know I care about them. I guess I was feeling hurt. You know that pain in your chest that won't seem to go away, and you can't hold back the tears?... Yeah that's pretty much how I felt yesterday. Well until I got back home. I went to dinner with some of my closest friends last night to this place called Italian Villa in Lewisville. It was good to spend time with them because the last two weekends I have been out of town. They made me feel a lot better and I even broke a few smiles every so often. I guess this weekend was just so frustrating because when you attend a wedding, every girl, pictures what theirs would be like. The roses, the dress, the people... With me, I can't picture anything. I feel like Im just not ever meant to find the one who is meant for me. In a lot of ways that's my fault. I know I tend to run from my problems, I guess because I don't want to face them alone.. and what else did he say, oh yeah, "Quit placing the blame on someone else." Well for your information, Im not blaming anyone else but myself.

I am going to make this a good week. I think I need to rid out all the negativity in my life. I've hit rock bottom before and I was almost there yesterday. I don't want be there at all. I have to mind the pieces in my life and move on. Thanks to all those who know how to make me smile.

xo.

I lost an earring

I just had to make that the topic of my blog today because, literally, I lost one of my heart earrings last night. It seriously is a travisty!! It is snowing hard in Plano, well take a look:


I can't express how bad I would love to be in bed right now, or at home, building a snowman. Do people actually do that anymore?.. It seems like people are so uptight they don't know how to have fun anymore. Wait, let me rephrase, don't know how to have fun without consuming alcohol. Don't get me wrong, Im guilty of that as well. So Light, Josh, and I went and played darts at our old stompin grounds called "T's" in Lewisville. We never go in there anymore. A year ago, thats where we would always be. Anyway back to the point, Josh got hit on by Shadow. And if people don't know who Shadow is, first of all, an amazing saxiphone(is this right? Im not a good speller) player, who also is same sex oriented. Lightman and I were cracking up. I dont think Josh found it to amusing but it was funny for Light and I so that's all that matters.

So the dreaded Holiday is coming up. Valentines' Day. Ugh. Make me gag. Don't get me wrong I love the mushy hearts, flowers, showers of affection stuff, but not when you don't have someone. It's just a true hurtful reminder, your alone. And all of these Kay Jewelers, Robbins' Bro's commericals about proposing..again, gag. I mean come on, can't guys come up with something more original than that? Proposing on Valentine's Day? No offense guys but be more creative. You should do it when the woman leasts expects it. Yah SO TO ALL MY FRIENDS THINKING OF PROPOSING ON VALENTINE'S DAY: DONT DO IT! ~BE UNIQUE, BE CREATIVE.

I think that's about it folks.
Damn, i really hope I find that earring...


let me know if you find it.
xo.

Remember My Name

This is going to be a very difficult blog to write but I feel as if I need to post this to further give insight to women out there to be more aware of your surroundings. Always keep an open eye in parking lots, especially at night, and keep an open eye to people you may think you know and care about you.

I just wanted to state a few facts before I get any further into my blog:

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love.The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), in conjunction with Ms. Magazine, started this project in 1994 to create a national registry of names to increase public awareness of domestic violence deaths.Here is a link to their website
It Is Still Abuse If . . .
The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.
The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand. Here is another great website

Now onto my blog. Its been really difficult these past two years for me to get a grip on myself as a person. I have been in this type of relationship. Let me start at the beginning. These type of men tell you that your the only one for them, and they shower you with love and affection and send you cute letters and emails. That is for about the first 7 to 8 months. Then once they realize they got you where they want you, they begin changing. They begin turning things around on you. When you get upset its because your the one who was the one at fault, not them. They begin to not listen to anything you have to say. Then one day they will act like nothing has ever happened and you'll forgive them, because your in love with them. You'll invite them over and you will hang out and do whatever and then his mood will change again. When you ask him to leave he will not. He will block you from leaving the room, he will shove you, he will sit on top of you, he will slap you. Once it's all said and done you are left there, alone, crying, holding your face, wondering what in the world you did so wrong that he would physically harm you. You go without talking to him until the next day and when you wake up he has texted you numerous times, he has called you, left voicemails explaining how truely sorry he is and can't believe he would do that to you. That your the only one for him, and that he'll do anything to make it up to you. DONT FALL FOR IT. Because I did. And the process repeated over and over and over again. And I never did anything about it because he always threatened me. He told me I didn't deserve to live, I should go kill myself, no one wants me alive, everyone hates me. Then he would apologize. He made my self esteem basically non existent and I started to believe he was the only one that cared about me because of the things he was brainwashing in my head. None of my friends nor family liked him and they wouldn't be around me if he was there. He was manipulating, condescending, and flat out violent. One day he came over because we were arguing and I would not let him in the apartment. Once the beating on the door stopped I assumed he had left. I walked out of the apartment to see if he had left and sure enough he hadn't. He grabbed me from behind, threw me against the wall and proceeded to choke me. He let go after a few seconds and pushed me against the wall and then left. At that time I knew I had to get away. I had never been that afraid in my entire life. I changed my number, I moved apartments, I got away. Now, with this being about 3 years ago now, I still have trouble with men. I am afraid of them. I am afraid if I say something wrong I am going to get hit, or pushed, or choked. I have tried to seperate the relationships but I think there is always going to be this little part of me that thinks that this man or the next man might hurt me. I hope that every woman out there takes the appropriate pre-caution to keep these types a guys away from you. Im glad I got out when I did because I believe that if it woulda kept going on, I wouldn't be here today.

Ladies stay strong. Thanks~someone who took up for me when I need it.

~K